WARNING.........THIS IS PERSONAL..AND LONG!

I have been so blessed with various friendships in my life. Many people whom I have come in contact with and developed friendships with I still have in my life today. My oldest friend, Linnea I have known since first grade. I still talk to the core group of my highschool friends fairly often and usually get together with when home. I still talk to every roomate I have had in college and since graduation. God blessed me with many many people at my church Prestoncrest in Dallas while in the singles group there as well as in the Searchers class and later the Young Married and Growing Together class. Several of which I still keep in close contact with. I found it so hard to leave all these people in moving out west, but God has blessed me again with an incredible girls group and all the wonderful people in my new church home here at Greenlawn.

I came to sort of a sad realization today after discussing several spiritual issues with a friend, she is one of the few people out of all these that I have mentioned that I have had these discussions with. Why is that. I think I feel guarded in some situations and just fun in others that its not just appropriate to get real deep. Maybe I am not as deep as I should be when it comes to my faith or I would be talking about it much more amongst my chatter.

People from early on probably could write my testimony for me. Through all this I feel convicted to share both my factual and spiritual testimony with those who might feel inclined to read. I was born to parents with a Methodist background, or at least that is what they agreed upon as a couple. My dad's parents had a methodist background. My mother's mother was raised Baptist and her father was raised Catholic, how they ended up at a Methodist church I am not real sure of. I know as a teenager that my maternal grandparents attended the Baptist church and do not have a memory of my paternal grandparents ever being involved at a church. Later though my paternal grandfather changed to Jehovah's Witness- another story for another time, which by the way I will definately share, its very interesting.

I remember attending the Methodist Church as a child and my parents being very involved with the youth there. My Dad taught highschool for several years and I think that came very natural to him. For some reason I have memories of being in VBS and Christmas pageants there, as well as the ceremony of palms on Palm Sunday but no real knowledge of Bible stories other than that of the birth and death of Jesus. Not to say it wasn't taught, I just don't remember it. We quit going to that church I think around the time I was in third grade or so. I think it was because for some reason or another the pastor left and my parents were not real keen on the new one. We did not go anywhere for several years after that. We visited a few places but never placed membership or got real involved anywhere else for any extended period of time.

I grew up in the same house from when I was 2-18 which just happened to be accross the street from the parsonage of the preacher at the Baptist Church across the field from our house. I played outside a lot, mostly by myself but also 'rode bikes' with kids from down in the addition of our street. This preacher's little boy was outside a lot too. He was about 8 years younger than me and also an 'only child'. I thought he was such a cute little kid and saw him out and talked to him quite a bit. Through all this I got to know his parents too (Bobby and Judy Bridges) and when I was in 5th grade they invited me to go to a children's camp in Glenrose. It was there that I got real interested in Jesus' life and the sacrifice that he had made for me. It was there that I 'asked Jesus into my heart' and prayed to know him. When we got back from camp, there was a lady named Dottie Eastman who offered to study the Bible with me. We did so for quite a while. My mom would drive me to her house across town and she would explain things to me. It was about 3 years later I asked to study with the Preacher and what Baptism was about. We did so for several weeks and my parents came to those meetings with me. We all decided to be Baptised and were together on the same night after an evening service.

I remember being so shocked that Jesus would go through all that just so I would know Him, God, and be forgiven. I would write poems about it and was so incredibly touched. Then I became a junior high little brat. It scares me to think of what I could have done or what could have happened to me had I not had the support of an awesome youth group and some real encouraging people in my life. I remained very active in the youth group throughout highschool and sort of made it my mission to see how many people I could get to come to church 'Lock-ins" and jump on my bandwagon for the Lord.

Young Life also played a big role in my walk with The Lord. This is a non-profit, non-denominational organization aimed at bringing young people to The Lord. I had some incrdible leaders and very insightful study in highschool. All of my friends went and I think that is the core of what brought our little group together and that has held us together after all these years. It was during this time that I met my friend and person I consider to be my sister, Holly. We have been through so much together. She came to church camp in Falls Creek Oklahoma my senior year of highschool and she later introduced me to Abilene Christian University.

I can truly say that it was there at ACU in my college years that most of my sprituality was formed. Holly had a close family friend that went to ACU on a football scholarship. I had already planned on attending North Texas University but accepted an invitation to go with her on a highschool weekend there to help her check it out! Well needless to say I was totally taken by the fact that they cared whether or not I went there and thought how neat it would be to have an incredible Christian environment while studying in college. I had no idea that it was a 'Church of Christ' school until the last day of welcome week when attending Baker Heights in Abilene with my 'Energy Group'. I thought it was odd that everyone had been asking me specifically which church I had gone to previously and that so many people happened to already know each other through various camps and such! Okay, I was an idiot! It was not until that night when a thirteen year-old boy was speaking to the congregation on Women's Roles in THE church, which was very very VERY different to the role I had seen at Woods Chapel Baptist Church in Arlington! I really had thought that ACU was equivalent to TCU, and was so confused. I remember going back to my dorm room that night and talking with Holly and people on my hall all the doctrinal issues of COC and not feeling real good about it.

I went to my University Professor and had very lengthy discussions about it and decided that other than style of worship, it was not all that different from what I had believed and been taught previously. It was at that time that I decided I would never claim a denomination again and try to decifer on my own what I believe. That has been a real struggle for me and I am still working on it in a lot of ways.

Upon graduating I went to the Dallas area and attended Prestoncrest COC . I visited with my friends Bethany and Mandy and later became very involved in the Singles group there and met my husband Trent. He has been the most influential person on my faith of everyone. He did not come from a real strong COC background either. His mother was raised Baptist and his father was raised very conservative COC but Trent was not real seriously involved in church until about highschool age. Together we have been trying to figure out things ever since. He has so much more knowledge than I do. He taught a lot of classes when we were in the singles group and has since and has done a lot more in depth study through that.

I am learning that a lot of my faith has been based on 'blind faith'. I was required to take several Bible classes in college that because of the amount of information in a short period of time I ended up cramming and not really learning. It has not been until later in life that I am truly learning. I am trying as a mother now especially to get that knowledge in order to teach my children what God expects of all of us and trying to live up to that as well. Its a hard road at times and I don't want to take what others say as fact, I want to know it for myself and not believe something because someone tell me to. I want to beleive what I believe b/c God tells me to. I believe that He inspired The Word and I want my children to come to that belief as well, but I want them to question their beliefs and decide for themselves what the truth is so that it is THEIRS and NOT MINE.

Thanks to so many people in my life I have a lot of spiritual encouragement and accountability and I thank these people for letting God use them in this way. I can thank specifically my friend April today for inspiring me to get in The Word more often and acquire that knowledge for myself that I want so bad. I am not Baptist. I am not Church of Christ, although I attend one. I am first and foremost a sinner, and because of Christ, a Christian. I am secondly a wife, and thirdly a mother. I have got to get this first part right in order for the latter two to be successful. I feel that it is important in having relationships for people to know this personal part about me and my background. I want to know that from everyone else too and hope that this encourage other people to share their testimony as well.

My friend Denise gave me the idea to write my testimony in my children's baby books instead of the general, 'About Mom' stuff. I think it really is more important for them to know than where I worked and such so that they can know 'where I am coming from' all around. Especially if something happens to me before I can tell them myself.

Some incredible things God has done in my life:

1. Shown me TRUE love in the examples of people he has placed in my life such as friends, professors, family, my husband, my children.

2. Shown me that true happiness comes in Him and not in material things or in people. He has shown me this through taking people and posssesions out of my life. I thoutht that if I was to get married and have children, that then I would find true happiness. Both have brought me happiness but also pain and neither are perfect.......only He is.

3. Shown me that people are not perfect and if I rely on any one person I will always be dissappointed but if I rely soley on Him alone that I will always be successful- this got me through being laid off and the fact that I put my Design Director on a pedestal. Also true in a marriage. We are only human.

4. I can see Him and feel his love and comfort throuth the acts of kindness, encouragement, and support of others.

5. He provided me with a Christian Education and through this prepared me for the obstacles I would face in my first job, being the youngest by 10 years and only Christian.

6. He has given me a glimpse of what is like when hurts for us and his incredible indescribable love for us by letting me borrow two beautiful children.

This is a short list of the many many things that knowing God and there are just too many to write in a blog but I have journal upon journal of the rest of the ways knowing God has blessed me. Stay tuned for more.............