September.

Well we made it through the first month of school. First six weeks done Friday.  Kids are loving their teachers and classes- I don't know why that surprises me. Maybe because I never cared for school.  Levi however not so much. He had a VERY rough start. His teacher was absent the first week which I think was the root of it all. Nothing a little bribary couldn't cure. Yea for Seven Eleven dollar slurpees! He is doing better now. He has already learned days of the week, how to spell red, and a months of the year song. It amazes me what a little sponge he is. He is still very difficult and after this summer became very clingy to me.  He does nothing I say almost never. I do however enjoy the short time we get each morning after the bigs leave. He always comes and sits in my lap. Again I bribe him with a show so he will stay still and be unaware of my millions of kisses to his soft little head and stare at his little dimple hands.  What a bittersweet time this is.

I went home to be with my parents on the 21st for four days. It has been really hard to go from seeing them every other day or anytime I wanted, to a whole month without. It was nice to be at their house with them actually in it.  I wanted to help as much as I could to give them both some relief in what has been a very trying time for them.  Due to my Dad's spinal cord injury, he is not able to reposition his body or shift any weight. If this doesn't happen it can cause all sorts of other problems that can make things even more serious.  Because of this he has to be turned every two hours while in a bed. It ends up being like every hour and a half for my mother after trying to fall back asleep. My mom did that for me when I was nursing a baby. I wanted to do that for her so she could rest. She also had not been resting in the days after nights like this because of so many phone calls and thearapy interruptions, etc.  I got a glimpse of what she is going through but still have no idea the extent of it. SOOO much goes into his care. SOO many things to remember b/c of the nature of his condition.

I love to cook when I am not in a time crunch or have constant kid interruptions and catastrophes. I had the joy of being able to do some of that too. I really enjoy being able to serve parents who did so for me so much of their lives.  We also enjoyed just being the three of us like old times. That is so rare these days.

Its so surreal to be in the sandwhich generation before I even turn 40. My heart aches for both of them. I so wish they had decided to get rid of all their stuff and do assisted living in order to have more freedom and help.  I feel that it would so improve their quality of life. My mother is still not wanting to give anything up but starting to realize the effects of not.  They are in the process of getting a van. Its been a ridiculous long drawn out process.  My Dad has re-gressed considerably. Almost back to how he was at the beginning of rehab.  He is depressed. All of these things are a vicious cycle. He has left the house thee times in  month and a half.  He is confined to three rooms and the back porch.  My Dad was not one of those live life to the fullest kind of people before this happened but I think this situation has made him regret that.

Its hard watching your parents hurt. Especially being five hours away and still being needed so much with a young family.  I feel so torn all the time.  I hate not being involved because my mom has lost her mind in many ways, mostly due to sleep deprivation but also grief and incredible emotion.  She took so long to see the reality of what was going on that she ended up having to deal with it on top of everything else which was already overwhelming.  I feel like I am the only support that would help unconditionally without convenience playing a major role which also make be sad yet feel all the more blessed by so many that I have in my life.

Well other things happened in September too that were on a much happier note.  My little family of five took off on a particularly cool fall feeling day in my husbands jeep with no top to the South Plains Fair!!! Its my favorite thing this time of year.  Its small enough to be doable and lots of opportunity to give back to local organizations.  We went to a Tiger show, rode the ferris wheel, kids rode their stuff and we ate homemade corn dogs, and RED VELVET FUNNEL CAKE! We also did the petting zoo. Levi had large eyes and dropped jaw out of excitement the whole time.  It was crazy expensive and financially we probably should not have done it, but their only little once and their faces were priceless! Those pics will be my next post.

My business is struggling. I have gotten a few things but not enough to be cosistent.  Its looking like I will be looking for a job soon. Hopefully design related and part time to work with being there for my kids. SO looking forward to that :/