Bah Humbug.......

I really think we need to re-evaluate on how we celebrate Christmas...........

I really do like Christmas and even the commericial part of it.... today I am feeling really guilty about that. Several things have happened, or been said lately that have laid heavily on my heart and made me just be thinking a lot about it all. This is the first year that my kids have truely even 'gotten into it'. You know, excited about Santa, talking about Jesus' birth. However they are really confused, which I believe is because of all the mixed messages we are giving them. While they understand why we celebrate Christmas, and talk about Jesus' birthday and it being HIS party, it is obvious that they are MORE excited about the magic of Santa and ALL that he brings. I don't want to be a grinch and totally leave Santa out, but all for selfish reasons I think. When I think about it, its because that is the 'FUN' part of it, and because of the tradition and memories I have as a child. Ty even asked out loud the other day, "If its Jesus' party, why does Santa come?" Basically, what does he have to do with it? Got me thinking.

I was sitting on my couch looking at my tree in adoration and remembering where each ornament came from. Most of them are from my mother, but in the recent few years, many symbolize various things that have happened during that year. For instance I bought a school house this year to signify Ty starting kindergarten, I have a shopping bag from NYC from our trip two years ago, etc..... As my eye moved down, I started looking at all the presents and remembering whom I wrapped each one for and still feeling the need to get more. I think its because I feel like it is a time to let people know they are appreciated and loved. I also have two aunts and an uncle, all of whom are not married nor have children, and feel like I am the only one who will help them to feel this way on Christmas. I am BIG on birthdays too for this reason. But this is not THEIR birthday. All three of these people are not church going, or place a high priority on the role God plays in their lives. I started thinking and wondering what Jesus thinks about all this. There are so many, and more under my bed to put out tomorrow night to be from Santa. What message am I sending to all of these people? Yes it feels wonderful to feel loved, and I think that feeling comes from God and sharing His love, but at the same time is not centered on Him.

When I think about the example Jesus sets for us throughout The Word, it focuses mainly on being a servant to others in need. Every single person in my family is not in 'need'. Everyone has various wants, and of course that is relative from person to person and family to family, as to what their financial situation is. I just think, all that money spent on 'need-less' items and how there are people that have NOTHING, could have had all the more. I only bought one toy for a child that is less fortunate and only gave $20.00 to a family that my class collected for. We have spent a few hundred in order for everyone in our family to feel loved.

I got Olivia this doll at Target last year (from Santa). Its their knock-off version of the American Girl Doll. I was SOOO excited about it, I LOVE dolls. It was a little over $20.00, which for me was a lot to spend on one item, especially for a three year old. She liked it okay, played with it a handful times over the past year, now the hair is all matted, b/c it is plastic and now she is actually more at the appropriate age to have it. She just now has showed more interest in it, sleeping with it and changing its clothes. I was searching all over for another similar to it, almost purchased the Madame Alexander one for around the same price, even considered doing the American Doll thing. Then I got a grip. Seriously, $100 for a doll for a now four year old???!!! We are not in that financial situation to be spending that kind of money on one item for such a small child. I remember when I was a girl how $40 was a lot for the ever so popular Cabbage Patch Doll! I had SEVEN of them! I have a lot of friends who have done this and have absolutely no problem with it and all I can say there is, its none of my business. I am only in control of me and my heart is the one feeling the pull that we are living in excess. There are so many children and people in our world living in true poverty. If we lived more conservatively then there would be even more to give.

I struggle with want. I have wanted a new-er suberban now for two years. Mine drives just fine. Its the old body style but has a huge crack across the front windsheild, which my husband says its still driveable and we don't need to spend the $$ to fix it. It also has a dent in the back left bumper, non working CD player, missing interior lights, rubbed off color on the glove box, and a volume control that comes off daily. I justified 'needing' a newer one b/c of this baby coming. The one we have now is bench seating and I did not want Ty swinging his leg over its little carrier and face everytime he gets in and out of the car. It would be nice, but I do have a car that is paid for, that runs and runs well, and although I see its many flaws most others do not.

I often think of how it would be nice to get my hair colored and highlighted again, or have my nails done on a regular basis, or get pedicures more than once every couple of years like a lot of my friends do. I don't because we are on a tight budget.

The fact is, we live in a really nice house in a nice neighborhood that is furnished very nicely as well. We have been fortunate to have received lots of wonderful hand-me-downs, or what I like to call pass-alongs, and it probably appears that we have even more than we do. We do live fairly conservatively, but we are FAR from in need. We find the money to do the things that we really want to do, and most of them are not in service to others.

I try to justify our wants in comparison to others. I am not sure why I do this. We have an incredibly wealthy friend who does not even work because of his huge oil inheritance. He flew Trent on his private plane to CA to Cypress Point last week. Their house and cars could be on MTV's Cribs. Seriously. Trent spends time with him on a daily basis. They play golf together and have a lot of common interestes and have developed a good friendship. Its hard for me to understand. He is a super nice guy, not stingy by any means, but I look at him and his situation and become somewhat embarassed of the material things we have. WHY??? I know that we are blessed incredibly, and thank God each night for the things we do have. I know there are SOOO many with far less. I think God is really trying to help me see how excessive we have truely become in today's world. The best and the greatest and latest...........on television, on our friends, more so in our town that we now live in! Its really 'showy' here as compared to where I grew up. As mature and spiritual as I thought I was, I have been sucked into it. How sad to not only be sucked into the world but at a time that I should be focused more than any other on the opposite. Not self, but others.

Not self plus others, I think that is missing the point as well. The mentality of I will do some for others and that way I will still feel okay for doing more for myself (or my family). I need to be passing along all that has been passed along to me and more. Almost all of our children's toys, with the exception of about 20% have been given to us. ALL of my maternity clothes have been given to us. SOOO many sugary delights have been brought our way in the past two weeks! I have had three friends now, who just broght dinner to me on various occassions b/c they knew I was struggling to make it while my husband was travelling. To think that I am not even a smidge close to poverty and have been given SO much.

I have not discussed this with my husband, and I know his family will not be on board- but I really think we need to re-evaluate how we celebrate Christmas. Not just MORE emphasis on Jesus, but ALL emphasis on Jesus! I think I have become more confused than my children and not able to keep up my responsibility as their parent to teach them how to truely LIVE DAILY IN CHRIST.